Why We Need to Show our Egos Love

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“My ego, I’ve learned, is far more limiting than self-promoting—more concerned with breaking me down than building me up. She’s on a quest, it seems, to keep me stagnant and safely secured behind a shroud of self-doubt.⠀

I know her voice. I’ve become intimately familiar with her tone and her tendencies, her bent toward making me feel worthless, inadequate, undeserving, incapable, and utterly inferior. She questions every action and potential decision.”

I wrote these words in an article for Elephant Journal last year, but I don’t feel the same way anymore.⠀

Our egos don’t need to be scolded, silenced or shunned; they need to be shown unconditional love. They don’t need to be berated or banished; they need to be wrapped in a big, old hug. Every defeating, uncomfortable word they speak, every single thing we hear, it’s all grounded in, and stems from fear.⠀

Instead of reacting with frustration, disdain, or aggression, we should soften around their words, and listen. There doesn’t have to be a battle. We don’t have to choose sides. There is no war.⠀

Our egos are like frightened, terrified little children who live inside us, whose only desperate wish is to be heard. All they want is to feel safe, supported, protected, and secure. They cling and grasp to what they know, because the unknown is unfamiliar. They don’t mean to limit us—they only seek to protect us from threats they’ve learned to fear.

They’re trying to keep us safe from the big, bad, scary, inherently uncertain world.⠀

Imagine a scared little boy or girl standing alone in the middle of a room. We wouldn’t yell at, scold, ignore, or shame them. We’d take them into our arms and show them they’re loved. We’d make it abundantly known they’re not alone.⠀

When my ego kept me from writing for years, it wasn’t because she wanted to make me feel bad. She was scared how it would make me feel if I failed. She believed she was protecting me from the potential of pain.⠀

Our egos are not our enemies. There’s no one to fight. We’re on the same side. There’s no one to battle. There’s no war to be waged.⠀

All our scared, terrified, desperate little egos need, is to be swaddled and shrouded in love.