Okay, I actually listed 11, but 10 sounded better for a headline.:)
When I was younger, I sang all the time, and honestly, I thought I was good. I belted out Whitney Houston in my room, totally convinced that I sounded just like her. And, well, apparently, I didn’t. My parents and my sister once told me that they’d stand outside of my room listening… probably covering their ears and laughing (they didn’t go into the details of what the experience was like on their side of the door).
I don’t really sing now…at least out loud. I still believe I sound good in my head though.
2. Releasing control.
I work on it, and I’m a whole lot better than I used to be, but it still takes conscious, deliberate effort. Mostly with the small things. I’m a little more open to not trying to control the big stuff, because if I’ve learned anything over the last eight years, it’s that I really can’t control any of it. But I obsess with the small stuff—e.g. what time I’ll wake up and what stuff I do for my morning routine (and how, when, and in what way I’ll do all of those things).
It’s exhausting, and I have to spend a lot of time convincing myself I’ll survive small changes to my plans. I technically know it’ll be okay, but understanding the truth of it, and feeling the truth of it, are two completely different things.
3. Staying up late.
I can do it, and I sometimes do, but I don’t enjoy it. I don’t understand night people! I’d much prefer to sleep during the night, and get up early, because at least in the morning I can drink coffee, while I do all of those morning routine things I’m so bad at altering. I’ll admit that there’s a cozy energy to the evenings that I don’t get in the mornings—but usually, I can’t even enjoy it, because I’m internally freaking out about the fact that I’m not going to get enough sleep, because my body is going to wake me up early no matter what.
4. Being observant and noticing things [I don’t care about]—like rearranged furniture.
I realized after starting this point that I’m only unobservant with things I’m uninterested in. I’m great at observing the intricacies of nature, watching the patterns of birds flying in the sky, and listening to the sounds of the leaves blowing in the wind...
But the rest of it? Ugh. No. I couldn’t care less. Actually, when I watched The Affair with my roommate several years ago, I noticed something HUGE about the show (something I don’t want to reveal here in case you haven’t watched it yet and want to). Something my roommate hadn’t noticed. And, she responded with, “How did YOU notice that?” Always a surprise to those around me (including myself).
5. Being handy/technical/building things.
I hate these things, which is probably why I’m not good at them. In 8th grade I was forced to take shop and it was the worst. I even asked my teacher if I could do something to get extra credit, because I was a type-A obsessive kind of student who absolutely didn’t believe I could survive with getting a B, let alone something as tragic as a B-, but he wouldn’t let me. I have no idea what grade I got, and it could’ve even been a B+, and it obviously hasn’t affected my life, but I still remember that teacher’s name, and I still feel resentful when I think about him.
6. Small talk.
I hate it. With a passion. I can do it, but I really have to force it, and it takes a lot of energy. It just feels so fake to me, and I find it boring, useless, and unnecessary. Like, what’s the point? Saying things that don’t matter in ways that no one is paying attention to anyway, because everyone is really just standing there, trying to figure out how to turn the conversation into something about themselves instead.
I do it when I must, but a part of me shrivels inside every single time.
7. Changing my routines.
This summer my grandma asked me start throwing away our compost garbage bags nightly, instead of every few days like I’d been used to doing. After she asked, I went on a rant about how it was bad for the environment, and how I cared about the trees, and how we needed to conserve paper…and I mean, all of those things are true, and they are important to me, but they’re not really why I was upset. I was upset, because it wasn’t my routine. And the worst part of the whole thing, was that my grandma knew it. She even said those exact words.
When I got over my self-righteous indignation, I couldn’t help but laugh at (a) her astute insight, and (b) my ridiculousness.
8. Hiding my facial expressions.
You’ll literally know exactly how I feel by reading my face. I can’t hide anything, even though, at times, I try.
9. Doing things I don’t want to do.
Whether that means a social event that I was invited to—which I’ll inevitably find an excuse not to attend, or um, taking out the garbage when I don’t feel like it (see number seven). I obviously have to do things I don’t want to do, but I never enjoy it.
10. Being in large groups of people I don’t know.
I hate this, and I will do almost anything to avoid it. I’m an introvert, so I automatically get quiet in these kinds of situations. I’m not scared or nervous, and it has nothing to do with a lack of confidence. I just don’t like it. It’s instinctual. It’s who I am, and I don’t thrive in that kind of environment.
However, I’m super cool and really fun to be around (I think) if I know you, and I can be quite funny, but usually only if I’m comfortable with you.
11. Talking to people in the morning before I’m ready.
I’m an extreme morning person, so I generally wake up feeling energized and ready to jump headfirst into the day. However, only after I’ve had my quiet morning routine. I need my coffee, journaling, meditating, affirmation-writing, exercise, and breakfast before I can talk to anyone. Seriously. Even if I feel like I’m in a good mood, I’ll still be cranky (or at least sound cranky) with anyone who tries to talk to me, or get me to do something, before I’ve done everything I want to do.
Probably has to do with me not being able to release control, or break up my routines, or do the whole “doing things that I don’t want to do” thing!
What are some things your really, really bad at?:) Leave me a comment and tell me. It’s actually kind of fun to think about!